(While this article is written from the perspective of a missionary parent and focuses on the experiences of grandparents living in the US while their children and grandchildren are overseas, many of the insights, comforts, and suggestions are equally applicable to grandparents traveling overseas to serve and leaving children and grandchildren behind in the US.)
Many of my close friends became grandparents before my husband and I did. They would talk about how unbelievably wonderful it was, and the unconditional love they instantly felt toward their grandbabies.
I loved being a mom. I can honestly say it has been one of the greatest joys of my life. So, I figured being a grandma would also be great. And when we found out our oldest daughter was expecting, my husband and I were thrilled. But wow – I did not really understand how fierce and amazing the love would be until I first held that precious baby girl. My girl now was a mom, and this tiny human was not my responsibility to raise but my great joy and privilege to love. And love her we have and are still doing. As grandparents we have learned a few things in life, and we have time to contemplate and invest in loving our grandchildren with our presence. We can sit and play or read for hours, take long walks that involve picking up every rock or dandelion just because they are there and interesting. When I come to visit or talk over FaceTime and their little faces light up with a big smile and an “I wanna see Nana,” my heart melts – these tiny humans have stolen my heart, and if I don’t get to see them for a few months it seems way too long.
As a parent I was so busy with the dailyness of caring for my children that I didn’t always have the time or brain space to stop and contemplate the moments that were so quickly happening in front of me. Being a grandparent lets you enjoy those moments all over again but at a slower pace. You realize as a grandparent that just being with your grandchildren, hearing their hearts, and making new discoveries, is the most precious gift you can give them.
How do you handle this great joy of grandparenting if your adult children feel called to overseas missions and those grandchildren go to live in a country far away? (Or perhaps you have been called to serve overseas in your retirement and must leave grandchildren behind for months at a time to live and serve in another place.) Yes, we live in an age of many and various ways to communicate and see each other, but we all know that physical presence is the best. The reality of them being in another country means there are no quick weekend trips either to visit them or for them to stay with you. Every visit in person takes lots of planning, money, and documents.
Some of you are experiencing this, and you know better than I do what it is like. Some of us may experience this in the future, and the thought may give us feelings of panic and unbelievable sadness. In “What Missionary Grandparents Give Up – and Gain,” Mack Stiles has some ideas for both the parents heading overseas and the grandparents saying goodbye. Stiles encourages the adult children heading overseas with their children to acknowledge the sacrifice that their own parents are making and to own that this decision is one they chose and not one their own children or the grandparents chose. In owning this decision, those called to the mission field can empathize with the sacrifice of the grandparents and ask for their support and prayers. Stiles also reminds the missionaries to remember that when God calls them, He also provides for the grandparents and will equip them to grow in their faith. Lastly, Stiles encourages mission partners to prioritize time with grandparents when home for furlough. This honors parents (Exodus 20:12) and helps solidify close connections.
For the grandparents of missionary children, Stiles encourages them to support their children’s call to serve. As hard as it may be to do, if you oppose what God is calling them to, it will only add pain and possible resentment to an already difficult decision. Stiles also encourages grandparents to take a posture of learning. Ask questions about the country your children and grandchildren are going to. Learn about the ministry there. The more you know and can pray specifically about, the more you will feel the excitement of what God is doing around the world. If possible, go and visit where they are serving and see firsthand what God has called them to do. When communicating with your grandchildren over FaceTime or Zoom, talk about how God is teaching you to trust Him even though you miss them a lot.
If the Lord calls you to be grandparents whose children and grandchildren live in a far away land, know that He sees and hears your heart, your fears, and your pain. He will give you what you need for the sacrifice you are experiencing. You may be surprised at the richness of God’s grace and blessings and the way your world is enlarged instead of diminished.
I admit that if I am called to be this grandparent who someday needs to say goodbye to my children and grandchildren as they go to live in another country, I will struggle a lot. Just thinking about the possibility fills my heart with dread. Yet I know that I felt that same way when two of my children decided they were being called to missions overseas right after they finished college. It turned out to be a growing experience for us all with so many wonderful surprises in how God worked in each of our hearts to trust him more deeply and to be amazed at His Mighty power to save.
Mack Stiles. “What Missionary Grandparents Give Up – and Gain.” The Gospel
Coalition. [Online]. April 4, 2024.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/missionary-grandparents-give/
